The Selfish & The Selfless

Swipe right on yourself k?

In this Valentine’s Day edition of A Graceful Stride, I explore the balance between selflessness and self-respect, and why self-love matters most.

I shared more about this in Wednesday’s post, but last week, I had a revelation—one of those what is going on with my thought patterns moments. A gentle inquiry rather than judgment.

Because sometimes, the stories we tell ourselves need curiosity, not criticism.

I was actually sick. The kind where your body stages a full protest, demanding nothing but sleep, hydration, and dramatic couch-rotting. Yet, my brain was more concerned about how my sickness looked than how it felt.

What if people think I’m making excuses?
Am I letting everyone down?
Maybe I should push through with my camera off…

Emma. Chill out…

This was my second sick day as a working adult…ever. And still, I spiraled—as if rest needed a permission slip. But after some internal debate, I surrendered: No emails. No half-assed productivity. Just rest. And you know what? I recovered quickly. Bodies are magic like that. I was well enough to fly to Colorado for a long-overdue ski trip with my best friend.

lil CO recap

While yapping over crackling fires, whispering through the snow covered Aspen trees, and sipping homemade chai lattes, we landed on a conversation about people-pleasing—not just why we do it, but where the line is between selfishness and selflessness.

It Is Okay to Be Selfish. Sometimes, We Need to Be.

Because at the end of the day, it’s you and you. So, be kind. (please)

We realized that ignoring our needs under the guise of selflessness often backfires. Burnout doesn’t make us generous—it makes us absent.

High-functioning people (hi, it’s me)—athletes, personal development junkies—are especially prone to this. We push ourselves to be the person who always shows up. But…

When does selflessness become self-sacrifice?
When does ‘yes’ become depleted?
When does availability become unreliability—because we’re burned out?

But Also… We Should Be Selfless.

Because we are not meant to do life alone.
We should show up for the people we love. Be generous. Be kind. Relationships—romantic, platonic, familial—require selflessness.

If you’re part of a community or raising a family, there are times your needs come second. That’s what makes life meaningful.

The Valentine’s Day Tie-In (Because, Of Course)

Fittingly, I’m writing this on Valentine’s Day—the day that forces us to consider all forms of love: romantic, friendship, and the hardest of all—self-love.

As you read this, I’m probably alone at the bar at my favorite restaurant (YAHOO!!!), taking myself on a Valentine’s date. And yes, I’m nervous—because sitting solo in public feels raw. (Also, I cannot wait for my beloved brussels sprouts.)

What I Keep Learning:

Our survival instinct makes us selfish by nature. But I don’t want to live life thinking only of me. I want to be reliable. I want to be the friend, daughter, and partner who shows up.

So, what’s the answer?

The Truth: The Line Is in Your Battery.

I don’t have the perfect answer. But I do know this:
When I keep my battery at 100%, I show up better for others.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s cliché because it’s true.

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Practical Tips for Finding the Balance:

As an active supporter of A Graceful Stride, here are three practical tips that are helping me navigate this balancing act: