The Catch-Up Era

On friendship, emotional distance, and the courage to ask better questions

A reflection on the friendships that orbit our lives, the ones that root us, and the quiet courage it takes to close the distance between the two. This is for anyone who’s ever felt close-but-not-quite, and who wants to ask a better question instead of simply asking “how are you?” 🙂

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I’ve been thinking a lot about adult friendship.

About the people we love but rarely see.

The ones we text but never call.

The ones who live in voice notes, calendar invites, and vague, well-meaning “we should catch up soon” promises that never quite materialize.

We’re in our catch-up era, whether we meant to be or not.

Life gets full. People get busy. You try to fit each other in between meetings, meal prep, trips, and to-do lists. You reschedule. You cancel. You forget to respond. You care—but you’re tired.

They care—but so are they.

And if you’re anything like me, you start to wonder:

Am I really close to my friends—or just emotionally updated?

The truth? I love my people deeply. But I’ve noticed how often I keep parts of myself hidden, even from those I trust. How often I let vulnerability be a theory rather than a practice. How often I hesitate to open up—not because I don’t want to—but because I don’t know where to start. Especially when it comes to the hard stuff.

Like grief.

Grief has a way of reshaping everything. The calendar. The energy. The version of you who once found joy in things that now feel… distant. And as someone who’s experienced loss early and deeply, I still (still!) struggle to talk about it in real-time. Not because it’s a secret. But because it’s sacred. Because I never want to make anyone else uncomfortable.

But here’s what I’m learning: discomfort is not disconnection.

Avoiding depth doesn’t prevent distance—it creates it.

Vulnerability isn’t about sharing everything.

It’s about sharing something real.

And real doesn’t have to mean raw. Sometimes it means finally admitting:

“I’ve been holding my heart a little tighter lately.”

Or, “I want to feel close, but I don’t know how to start.”

Which brings me back to friendship. And how maybe—just maybe—we’re not lacking time, but better questions.

We don’t need to turn every brunch into a soul excavation.

But what if we could shift the conversation? What if we could make space not just for the updates, but for the underneath?

Not “How are you?”

But “What’s been quietly weighing on you?”

Not “What’s new?”

But “What’s something old that still lives in you?”

It’s easy to be efficient.

But closeness? That takes curiosity. And presence. And sometimes, a little courage.

So here’s my experiment: asking better questions.

Not just to know more—but to feel closer.

A Prompt for You:

Are you asking your friends the kinds of questions you wish someone would ask you?

With grace,

EGE

👟 A quick note before we dive deeper…

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And if this piece resonates, a tap on the heart is always felt.

5 questions to try the next time you’re with a friend: